Hello everyone,


Happy hump day! Hope you are all doing well. I’m quite tired. Speaking of hump day, I wanted to touch quickly on this video about dating standard that I saw recently, because it’s quite thought provoking.

What I was really interested in was the double standard he mentions. The idea that there is this expectation of men that has not been addressed by the mainstream society at all is worrisome. While I know that women sacrifice a lot for society, this should not negate the fact that men are sometimes if not often taken advantage of. Perhaps this is where that phrase “nice guys finish last” comes from. I mean let’s be honest hear, being nice just opens a person up to being taken advantage of.

So his response to this volunteered question is pretty direct. Men are supposed to pay for dinner? Women are expected to provide sexual intercourse. We look down on one of these scenarios but not the other, despite the fact that both take advantage of a person. Surely, no monetary value can be put on a person’s body, but it is (unfortunately) true that many men have this expectation. While this is an unfair escalation to make, it still nails the problem on the head, which is that one person is put above the other—that their time is worth more than the other persons.

Which make me curious, what is the best way to deal with this? Is simply making the offer to pay acceptable for women? Equal treatment would say no, a woman should insist that she pay her fair share of the bill. Classic ideas define that women should be courted this way, but as we have noticed for centuries, this also leads to a sexual expectation. And sure, we can blame men for this, but I think that’s a shallow way to look at it. There is a real cost to paying for dinner. If you’re young, like I am, taking a girl to dinner is actually something you have to budget for, because despite a 40-hour workweek, it’s still hard to pay for everything on minimum wage. And while increasing that wage is a whole different conversation, the reality is that this is where we are. To put that weight on one person and not the other is unfair. It also put the idea that “if I scratch your back, you scratch mine” into many guy’s heads. Which has been an age-old idea, and in many scenarios is the best thought to have (those scenarios being more than just relationships and sexual partners).

But then again, the gesture of paying is often good enough. As the video shows, most guys don’t care about the actual money. Once we have planned and budgeted for the date, simply seeing that the woman cares enough to pay is something to make the guy happy. Of course, this can be two-fold. Sometimes women insist on paying because they hated the date and don’t want the guy to even have the idea that if they pay for the meal they will be getting laid. Other times it is because women care about and respect a guy enough. And sometimes it is hard to tell, because in general people prefer not to be rude. Anyways, those are my thoughts on the subject. What do you think? Let me know!


3 thoughts on “WHO SHOULD PAY FOR A DATE?

  1. Perhaps it’s time to for guys and gals to bag their own lunch and meet in a park (tee hee). As a female dating, I decided to pay for myself to avoid disparity in power. This proved difficult financially but was worth it for my own sense of power. And security. But, this is also, I believe, a very heterosexual tradition. Which begs a question…
    Who picks up the tab in gay/lesbian relationships and how is this action perceived?

    Liked by 1 person

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