A FAREWELL TO FRIENDS

Hello everyone,

 

Do you ever wonder what could have been? Or what should have been? I know I spend quite a bit of time in the waning hours of the night thinking about it. Lately though it has crept into my mind a little bit more often than, say, after the moon is bright and the world is silent. I’ve noticed the reflection seeping into the daily aspects of my life—in between workout sets, on the drive home from work, and so on.

Maybe it’s because of the excessive levels of drama that a member of my extended family has decided to apply to the rest of us, because thinking about other times helps takes my mind off the problems of the current one. Either way, I thought I’d share with you guys that the last few years have been both wonderful and terrible. I think in the last couple years my life has been both at its most happy as well as it’s most difficult.

For example, it has been wonderful because I have gotten the opportunities to enjoy the things that I am passionate about in life, as well as branch out my groups of friends (acquaintances, if you read some of my previous blogs more strict definitions of what friends are). I met my best friends over the last four years. I found the clique that I fit into well. At the same time, I lost a lot of people who meant a lot to me. My best friend, the person I thought was there for me when I really needed someone to talk to, abandoned me for superfluous reasons. I haven’t done a very good job finding and maintaining romantic relationships. The nights feel more and more lonely—to the point where the days are starting to feel the same sometimes.

Of course, there is always a push-pull in life. Good things happen and bad things happen. Sometimes it’s more of one than the other. But I often think about how things would be if my best friend and I had worked things out. Or if I had at least been given the chance to…but that’s in the past now. Or is it? I mean, maybe I should go text her, or call her, or leave a letter on her doorstep. Maybe I’d just be wasting my time. Maybe I’d just be uselessly getting my hopes up. There’s not “but” here. That’s just the unfortunately reality. It’s possible we could work things out, but once abandoned for superfluous things, it’s better off that I just let someone like that go. To extend this to anyone, once you’ve been shown that a person will only value you if you conform to their exact desires, then they are asking you not to be yourself. And yourself is the best of what you are. Just because someone seems great to you, doesn’t mean they are. Many people are just as despicable as you are in your mind. They think racist things unintentionally. They judge someone based one what they look like at first glance. They will talk behind your back, even if that’s not what they think they are doing. Even if they don’t mean to, it happens. Be you, and things will work out. At least, that’s all we can hope for.

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One thought on “A FAREWELL TO FRIENDS

  1. Many of the losses that we encounter in life; from the small ones (“where the heck are those new batteries that I bought?”) to those experiences which cut deep into our psyche and challenge our perspective and world-view, are INCREDIBLE learning experiences. I read an important book after my father died titled “necessary losses,” which helped me to shift my mental prism to accept the grieving process (which is of course, very painful) and make a place for learning from the experience of loss…NOT to remove or discount emotional pain….

    Significant loss needs to be grieved AND experienced because the perceptions and feelings prior to the loss impressed deeply upon the individual. The pain that results from the loss is important because it informs the self about the inner workings of the psyche; it’s needs, wants, desires, feelings of neglect, etc.. These revelations CAN help to prioritize and motivate the individual to change in positive ways.

    It’s important to understand that during the course of human development, loss is encountered and experienced on an ongoing basis. From the newborn that cries when it’s skin receptors first experience cold air where previous womb-warmth existed, to the toddler’s scream for mother when left with a new babysitter, to the cry of a 5 year old at the loss of a beloved pet fish, to the sadness of a 8 year old when their best friend is no longer, to the fear and anxiety of a teenager when considering the loss of childhood and adulthood responsibilities that wait just around the corner……..

    Much of our human development and inner change results from adaptation to these losses. How we learn to cope makes the difference. Our perspective influences our experience. What helps? Love…. The Beatles had it right in my book. It fills our emotional tank…..
    Love gives us a feeling of hope and emotional security that things will be different in an “okay” way……….Without hope, life is dark and loss is overwhelming to the psyche…..

    Over the course of my life, I have experienced the “loss” of some really great friendships for reasons I do not fully understand. Many people in my life have disappointed me in relationships.

    But at some point, I made a choice to maintain a hopeful perspective about people; from the very important and significant loved ones, to fellow humans beings that I work with, to those who work with me at a store or restaurant….

    I prefer to see the glass as half full….I just stay happier in life, being genuine and kind and hopeful and eager to care; to be kind and to genuinely try to love AND to empathize with the reality AND experience of others….those who are family and also, even, those that I meet in world for only a few minutes to a few hours or day, but to whom I feel a close connection to, because of our shared humanity….. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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