Do you ever wonder what could have been? Or what should have been? I know I spend quite a bit of time in the waning hours of the night thinking about it. Lately though it has crept into my mind a little bit more often than, say, after the moon is bright and the world is silent. I’ve noticed the reflection seeping into the daily aspects of my life—in between workout sets, on the drive home from work, and so on.
Maybe it’s because of the excessive levels of drama that a member of my extended family has decided to apply to the rest of us, because thinking about other times helps takes my mind off the problems of the current one. Either way, I thought I’d share with you guys that the last few years have been both wonderful and terrible. I think in the last couple years my life has been both at its most happy as well as it’s most difficult.
For example, it has been wonderful because I have gotten the opportunities to enjoy the things that I am passionate about in life, as well as branch out my groups of friends (acquaintances, if you read some of my previous blogs more strict definitions of what friends are). I met my best friends over the last four years. I found the clique that I fit into well. At the same time, I lost a lot of people who meant a lot to me. My best friend, the person I thought was there for me when I really needed someone to talk to, abandoned me for superfluous reasons. I haven’t done a very good job finding and maintaining romantic relationships. The nights feel more and more lonely—to the point where the days are starting to feel the same sometimes.
Of course, there is always a push-pull in life. Good things happen and bad things happen. Sometimes it’s more of one than the other. But I often think about how things would be if my best friend and I had worked things out. Or if I had at least been given the chance to…but that’s in the past now. Or is it? I mean, maybe I should go text her, or call her, or leave a letter on her doorstep. Maybe I’d just be wasting my time. Maybe I’d just be uselessly getting my hopes up. There’s not “but” here. That’s just the unfortunately reality. It’s possible we could work things out, but once abandoned for superfluous things, it’s better off that I just let someone like that go. To extend this to anyone, once you’ve been shown that a person will only value you if you conform to their exact desires, then they are asking you not to be yourself. And yourself is the best of what you are. Just because someone seems great to you, doesn’t mean they are. Many people are just as despicable as you are in your mind. They think racist things unintentionally. They judge someone based one what they look like at first glance. They will talk behind your back, even if that’s not what they think they are doing. Even if they don’t mean to, it happens. Be you, and things will work out. At least, that’s all we can hope for.