Or rather, just the intended recipient of this. I was thinking about what we talked about the other day, and how emotional things got. I was thinking about how I responded to the discussion. I made a mistake in how I spoke. See, despite my “mature” mindset for my age, I still struggle with many things in life because, like most young adults, I am still learning. I’m still trying to discern things. I think I may have been too monotone when I needed to impress more clearly how sincere I was being.
That being said, I did not mistake how I feel about the situation. I realize that you feel ashamed for a variety of reasons. And generally emotional. That’s ok. This is a hard time in our life. Just take a look at the world around us—it’s an emotional time in the world. And even so, our situation has strained our relationships with other family members despite our best intentions. To quote Star Trek, it is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness; that is life.
Of course, the implication of that quote is failure, which is not what I think about your situation. Without being too explicit, since this is an open letter on my blog, I want to tell you that I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. And the reality is that you telling me about the situation more explicitly doesn’t make me feel any differently about you. For my whole life knowing you, mistakes or not, I have always felt you have done your best and worked with good intentions in mind. Is there really anything else a person can do in life?
Of course, as it comes to matters of the heart, things are always blurred. Take family, for example. Sometimes things seem fine but aren’t. Sometimes things seem bad but manageable and then someone goes off the deep end. The reality is that even family is just a way to group people together. That being said, it also is a way to give us something to fall back on when things get hard. Which is why when one of our fall back options has a knife in hand, suddenly things become terrifying.
So in terms of if I meant what I said when I said that I don’t feel any differently about you when you told me about some of those problems in life, I meant it. You’re a wonderful person. One of the best I know. You’re kind hearted, open minded, and genuinely caring. You put family before money. And you aren’t so selfless that you give in to everyone’s beck and call. It’s hard to be caring yet firm. It’s hard to walk a line where you live as caring as you do, yet with the ability to say “enough is enough.” And sure, sometimes people will step on you for the caring part. But when people do that, you throw them off balance. Nobody feels stronger than when they stand on the backs of other people. But the reality is that this is when they are most vulnerable. Because if you step out from under them, they come crashing down to the ground.
Anyways, I know you aren’t feeling particularly happy in life right now. Maybe that’s a good thing. Emotions help us understand situations in ways that logic can’t. I just wanted to remind you that I love you, and even if they think whatever you did was a mistake, I have no doubt that the rest of our family loves you too. And that you’re a spectacular person. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong.
Sincerely, with love,