How’s everyone’s Monday coming along? I realize I left you all with a very depressing poem and little explanation. I wrote that on July 4th, and I guess I’m going to take a personal day to reflect on myself a bit today. Hopefully you all can relate to it in some ways.
Anyways, I was up late last night because I have been feeling really lonely lately. Which is ironic, because I couldn’t be more surrounded by people who love me. Seriously, I have a group of friends I regularly talk to, I have an immediate family that I am close to, my extended family is close to me for the most part, at work most people respect me and my ideas, and I even can approach most of my acquaintances on Facebook fairly easily to talk as friends would. So perhaps I am just ungrateful.
But despite all this platonic success, I couldn’t be further away from being loved. Maybe that’s just because I am a 21 year old with a hyper progressive mindset. What I mean by that is that I don’t subscribe to our American individualism ideals in the way most people do. I believe in meeting people and respecting them. Community is vastly more important to me than individual gain. My moral values are firmly placed.
Establishing this means I don’t really fit in. I’m community oriented in a time where individualism is valued. I’m a selfless guy in a time where being selfish is the norm. I’m a nice guy in a sea of bad guys, but so few people like nice guys. I’m an English student in an era where STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math) is the predominant area of success. In being this, I sometimes feel like an outcast.
What’s worse is that we also live in a world where money is the almighty decider for what people can and can’t do. I’ve never felt more like I needed to escape the norms of the world than I have recently. And I don’t mean escape as in hide away in my room with a laptop. I mean literally escape to another time period. Or another universe. One where merit is valued higher. Where being a kind hearted and honorable person doesn’t disadvantage some people.
For most of my life I have been told I am mature for my age. I always thought that was a compliment. Now I realize that it means I lack something. I feel like I’ve been more adult since I was 14 than many people are throughout their lives. I’ve never been afraid of talking to authority figures. I’m the guy who thinks school is a waste of time because it’s too simple, but would show up every day because it was the right thing to do.
Maybe I’m just being self-destructive. I don’t know. I feel trapped sometimes though. And it’s not always so gloom and doom—in fact it generally isn’t. But escaping the monotony of the world is so much harder than it should be. Which is why poetry becomes such an easy outlet to express problems. Really writing in general. Oh well. See you all tomorrow! Or rather…have you read my words tomorrow…?