Hey look, the weeks almost over! Today I was so tired my eyes burn. Not exactly the most enjoyable experience, but here we are. Today, I wanted to talk about lying a bit more. Specifically lying about someone who you are in a relationship with. Now, of course, this has probably happened to most of us. And it really sucks when it happens to us. It’s probably not as bad when we do it, but that’s also probably not something most of us would admit to freely.
Anyways, last time I talked about lying was a while ago, and I talked about the positive aspects of it, as well as the reasons people do it. Today I wanted to go over more why people lie, as well as what the ramifications for doing so are. Personally, I’m not sold on the whole “people who lie and are never caught, are still leading themselves on” thing. Sure, because they lie its arguable that everything they do is insincere to some extent, and I don’t disagree with that. But at the same time, to their partner, if they never know someone is lying, it’s like they never were. Once they find out, that changes entirely, but speaking from experience, until you find out (or suspect something, which is a stage of finding out in my opinion), you won’t feel any different. Seriously. Think about it. If you observe no change, there’s no catalyst for change in yourself.
The ramifications of someone lying are real though. Typically, people lie about cheating on someone, which is what I am going to contextualize this with, though I know people lie over hobbies, money, and other aspects of life that can feel just as bad. On a base level, the ramifications are purely emotional distress, which sounds pretty easy to deal with. But of course, it’s more than that, which is why these kinds of lies can destroy us so much. Especially the longer you have been with someone. I get the sense that if someone cheats on you after a month, it’s not that bad. I mean, certainly, it might hurt, especially if you were really into them, but come on. It was just a month, you’re still learning about who they are. A couple years though? Maybe someone you were living with? That hurts a lot more. Why? Well, mostly because they were an aspect of certainty to your life. They were a constant, right? Something you interacted with every day. Something you thought you knew really well. And then suddenly they did something completely out of your expectations, and it completely shattered the image you had of them.
Betrayal sucks because it makes us feel played. It makes us feel foolish. And it makes us feel like we wasted our time. And it’s probably true that we wasted some time, but life isn’t a one-and-done thing for most people. Most people have to go through dozens of relationships before they find “the one.” Which means they will have to deal with some rotten eggs to find the good ingredients for their life. But without going through the rotten eggs, it might be hard to differentiate the good ingredients from the ones that are just ok. So embrace the pain, live with it, remember it, and then move through it until you find something better.