LOVE POEM #88 – Hotel Stop / Through the Wall

Hotel Stop / Through the Wall


It started with a tap,

light and fast, like a rat in the wall,

followed by a whispered echo

asking for an answer we both knew

should never have been yes.


Yet I tapped back,

slow and uncertain, thinking that maybe

it had just been her shuffling around

while the TV blared in the background,

and then came the knock on my hotel door.



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I still remember my first heartbreak. I was a child of ten, sitting on our dirty house sofa, watching Avatar: the Last Airbender. It was the episode where Aang loses Appa to the sand benders, and the weight of loneliness crept in at the edges of anger. In between the scratches of static on the TV, I could feel the enormity of losing a loved on for the first time sinking in through the empathy of my being as this beloved titan of the cartoon world was carted away into enslavement.

I felt my legs shake, and the hollowness of my house that evening began to feel much larger than it ever had before. Dad was on a flight to New York, and mom wouldn’t be back from work until bedtime. As the credits rolled, I stumbled over to the TV, and clicked the OFF button, then slumped to the floor in a pile of depression. How could someone take his love away like that? Didn’t they consider how that made him feel? Why would anyone be so cruel? By the time the key to the door finally turned in the lock and my mother entered the house, I had accepted that some people do not consider the feelings of others, and act selfishly.

I would have thought that such strong emotions would have prepared me for the first time I caught my partner cheating, five years later. I had taken up basketball, which we played after school every day at the courts next to our campus. The girl I was dating then would come watch us play every day until her mother picked her up. One day, I decided to surprise her with a group of flowers I had collected, before the practice. I asked the teacher if I could leave early and everything. I went to the flower garden, and picked the nicest five roses I could find—four red and one striking white. I rushed over to the quad her class was located in, took a seat on a bench outside her vision so I could run up and surprise her, and waited until the bell rang. When it did, I could feel jitters of excitement crawling through my veins. It was so perfect.

But when the door to her classroom opened, I saw her walk out with another guy. Tall, white, classically handsome. They were both laughing. I kept my distance. She’d never talked about someone like this, but they were walking toward the courts together. Eventually, they came to the corridor just before the court I played on. It was after practice would have started, about three minutes before she usually trotted out to meet me.

They just started going at it, like wolves ravenous for each other’s face. He pinned her against the wall, one hand in hers, the other gripping her backside, all the while she was breathing so hard I could hear it from my hiding space. He turned her around, and pressed up against her, kissing her neck and grinding against her hips. They were completely fearless of any onlookers, like they had done this a dozen times with no problems. When she fell to her knees, and brought her hands to his belt buckle, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. My stomach was spinning with disgust, the pain in my chest felt like someone had stabbed my lungs, and tears were building up in my eyes with the hacking sobs that claim distressed children.

I snapped a quick picture, which I have come to regret, of the mouthful she had, then walked down the hall past them to practice, completely stone-faced. No words, no recognition—I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing she mattered. She stood up faster than a cat in a thunderstorm, pushing him away from her and apologizing. But her words fell on deaf ears. People were selfish. I knew that.



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I didn’t think I’d write a poem

that was fueled by hatred

but I think it’s about time

that my hate was satiated.


Or that I was appreciated

or that you reciprocated


‘Cause this whole time

I’ve been pulling strings

so your pain could be



and I’ve been deflated,

like a popped balloon.


Who knew that it would end so soon?

That you would play me like tune

and I’d be playing the buffoon?


Now every time you’re in the room

I can’t help wishing for your doom.


For someone to come in,

take you out, and

leave you buried

in a tomb.


Too much?


Well let me say it without a doubt:

You better get the extinguisher

‘Cause now the fire’s coming out.


You told me that your love was free

but all you did was sell me pain

and now you’ve put that blame on me

so you can watch me go insane.


You watched me

kill, murder, maim, shoot, slay, and torture,

while you

still furthered pain, out making disorder.


we were a thing; that I gave you a daughter,

but when that beauty popped out

I knew I wasn’t the father.


So go to hell.



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How do you succeed?

Fail at a million things,

Till you win at one.



The pain in my bones

Is dull compared to the pain

That rots in my heart.



“Women shouldn’t be:

Afraid, angry; too sexy.”

…Because that’s worked out.


False Lives

My friends post pictures

Of their glorious nights out,

But tell me they’re sad.



Perhaps the liars

Aren’t all terrible people.

Just those that got caught.



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Anything is possible, if you lie.

Most people won’t even bat an eye,

And even when they start to pass you by,

At least they’ll believe that you can fly.
If you lie you can do all sorts of things

Be the president, make the Ring.

You can make all new friends

Who love you up until the end.
But one thing you can’t do is have a heart.

Because lies only break people apart.

Lies might be what make you rich,

But in the end, you’ll be in a ditch.


Hello everyone,


So I am a pretty far left-wing person, and I’m here to digress about my perspective of this election. It’s currently 10:56 PM in California on Tuesday of the election, and I’ve seen a lot of things happen today. I got a text of disbelief from my family when Trump was leading early on in the election process today. Then I saw all my friend and family joking about how he could never win. I, myself, could hardly believe it, but in the pit of my stomach I could feel that something was wrong. Then the day went on, and I, along with many others, turned in my ballot to vote. Now, I’m in California, so it really doesn’t matter that I voted, mathematically, because California is a strong blue state. Yet I voted none-the-less, because it it my belief that all people should take advantage of the choices they are given. As the night wore on, it became clearer and clearer that Trump was winning this election.

The first major tip off for me was that he was ahead in all the swing states. He won Ohio, which is a corner stone state for elections. And things were still not really setting in for people on my Facebook feed. Then Florida came down to the wire and Trump won. Everyone of my generation has feelings about votes in Florida that come down to the wire, because when Bush won Florida by a supreme court ruling, it was talked about by everyone’s mom and dad pretty much until Obama was elected. This seemed to be when everyone woke up to reality. And suddenly all my friends, all these well intentioned Democrats, started to panic. How could Trump be winning? How? He called Mexican immigrants rapists! He was backed by the KKK! He bragged about sexually assaulting women! He said we should persecute Muslims!

So then how did he win? It seems so obvious to me that he is not an acceptable candidate for our country, but 49+ million people voted for him. That’s a literal fuck ton of people. It’s not just racism. It’s not just anti-Hilary. People believe this guy will actually change the way America works. At its core, they believe what he has said to be true. In at least some of their eyes, all these things he said is true. Now, I dislike Trump, but he is a powerful speaker. He uses concise, simple language that is direct and to the point. You know that idea that some guy is a ladies man because he is self-confident? That’s what Trump expresses to people. He also uses my favorite rhetorical device, hyperbole. “Make America Great Again,” is a slogan that feels hyperbolic. But hyperbole incites people. It hits people in their emotional areas. It’s an appeal to pathos, but it appears as a logos argument, which makes it really hard to argue with.

Which is what the election became about. It became about who had the more important issue. And the reality is that Trump crafted more important issues. They might not be really important in the scope of the world, but he made them seem more important—and at what point does “seems” and “reality” not simply become the same thing? I’ve talked about this before. If you say something is true for long enough, it becomes true, because truth is relative to what humans perceive. Hillary became the enemy to Red America. Less people trusted her than Trump, despite numerous studies showing that he lied on a more consistent basis than any other candidate in the entire election cycle. And the problem is that the DNC let it happen. They did not handle Bernie Sanders well, which divided the party and made “party unification” something that felt begrudging. “Fine, I’m with her, I guess” was a real bumper sticker, to further illustrate my point.

Trump thrives on hyperbole. He made a TV show emphasizing the phrase “You’re Fired.” If you have ever played a game competitively, you know that once you begin playing your opponents game, you have already lost. If you are an aggressive team, you have to stay aggressive, or you will lose because you are in an uncharted territory. You may think Trump is an idiot, but he’s clearly grabbed American democracy by the…throat. Now, I’m all for country unity, but country unity requires the unity of all people. Which I’m not sure a Trump candidacy can ever do.

Some of my close friends are terrified. The LGBTQA friends I know are horrified by Mike Pence, and rightfully so. The guy OK’d electroshock therapy to “cure gays.” My immigrant friends are afraid—even the ones that are here legally, because they know that a mob mentality can sweep away people who have done nothing wrong. It only takes a spark to catch fire, but that spark can burn for hours on end. Don’t believe me? Move to California for a summer and see how fires start. Or look at how some people are speaking to and about minorities now, and see that in many peoples eyes, People of Color are still lesser beings.

“Who could have seen this coming?” Well, I did. It was pretty clear from the primaries that he was going to win. He knocked his opponent’s off balance. He sowed the seeds in rural voters minds that politics were failing and that they had been rigged, then used his ethos as a “successful” businessman to get them fired up enough to come out and vote. Rural voters were up from 19% in 2012 to 26(ish)% this election. This is something that the Hilary campaign did not do. I’m not saying Hilary didn’t run a good campaign—by normal standards, she ran a very good campaign. She was composed, she was rhetorical, she was educated, she was far more prepared than any candidate we’ve seen in recent debates aside from perhaps her primary opponent, and she was extremely experienced. The problem was, that wasn’t what this campaign was about.

I brought up hyperbole, and negativity was another key aspect of this campaign. This should have been obvious, given how vile the 2012 campaign got due to Citizens United. What, did we think things were suddenly going to be nice? No. Trump is a direct result of Citizens United. He embodies negativity, and even embraces it. He took a video tape of him bragging about sexually assaulting a woman, embraced that he did it, and moved passed it. WE ARE STILL TALKING ABOUT HILARY’S DAMN EMAILS. Trump didn’t let something phase him, or act as a thorn in his side—even if it meant saying something more obscene the next week to get away from it. Hilary…kinda did. And maybe it was out of her control. People kept bringing it up, and maybe this wouldn’t have happened to a man and our country is still sexist. Excuses. True maybe. But they are excuses.

The fact of the matter is that those issues needed to be put to rest. Instead of “I accept responsibility for X and in the future” it should have been “Yeah, I made a mistake, but you know what? Everyone makes this mistake. It’s so common.” And then listed all the other embassy attacks that were mishandled and private email servers that had been used. Maybe even, I don’t know, bring up her opponents use of hidden information? If the election is about hyperbole, negativity, and strength, then don’t let it be Trump’s court. Make it your court.

I digress. I am worried for my friends. Tensions are high. That happens when things are taken out of proportion, which happens a lot around election year. The stock market was up earlier today, and now it is falling. Women feel threatened. Non-white Americans feel threatened. Non-Christians feel threatened. Democrats feel threatened. Journalists feel threatened. Our allies feel threatened. Countries that are not are allies feel happy because America is in turmoil, but they know they are threatened in the back of their heads too.

Now, I’m sure I could be called a “Libitard,” for buying into the facts that have been presented to me, but I don’t think that’s true. I’ve long come to terms with “Liberal Hypocrisy” as a mainstay of thought. The idea that a liberal has all answers to problems so that they can get a long. A so-called “higher path” to the bigoted, narrow minded Republicans. But, in the words of Lewis Black, “if liberals are so good at winning, why do they lose?” I’ll tell you why. Because from up on that seat, that high horse, it becomes harder to get down and vote. “We’ve got this in the bag.” “There’s no way we can lose.” “They’re handing us this election by putting Trump against Clinton.” Really? 2/3rds of America doesn’t vote. What if half of one of that third comes out and votes? That’s what happened for Republicans. But it’s more than that. It’s taking our politics seriously. It’s standing up and saying “I’m going to watch the news even though I hate the news because my life will be changed by this election.” And change it shall. Many people are talking about moving out of the country. Canada’s citizenship website crashed. Maybe the reality is that we’ve been spread too thin. There’s no way the needs of Iowa match the needs of California, Texas, New York, and Utah.

And I get it, State’s have rights to. I live in California. I know that my life is probably going to be the least impacted out of the whole country by this election—save nuclear war. But as a citizen of this country I am distraught. Because Donald Trump has been divisive in his rhetoric. Sure, he united a party that was on the verge of falling apart, but uniting half the country and alienating the other half is worse than alienating a quarter of the country. Think about how much you hate your opposing party’s candidate. Think how much you hate that one aunt that is voting in opposition with you. Think about how much you were surprised your friend was voting for the enemy team, and how much you loathe them now. It’s almost brother versus brother. It makes my stomach hurt because all these things we stand for—and I don’t even know which “we” I am referring to—but the things that we stand for have been compromised. I was taught that bullying was a weak man’s trade. I was taught that being braggadocios is proof of an excess of pride. I am not Christian, but I was taught that humility should supersede the rest of life. I was taught that all men are created equal. I was taught that if you worked hard, things would get better. Tonight, I have been taught that you can short cut your way to success by taking advantage of people. And I’m not sure what that means for the rest of the world. But it’s 12:08 AM now, and here we are.

I wish I could end on a positive note. That the sun will rise in the morning. But if the sun rises red with anger, and hate, is that really a sun we can all live happily under?



Here’s a post-post election thought that I figured I should add in. I sat down to add this at 12:03 PM on the day after the election. Ironically, “Good Morning” by Kanye West was the first song on by Pandora. As shaken as I still am by the decision America made last night, life does go on. Hate will get us one of two places. One, further divided. Riots are starting, which I am not surprised about. I am worried they will escalate to Civil War. We haven’t experienced a Civil War with nuclear weapons, and I doubt we want to. The other option I see hate bringing us is the same cyclical nonsense that occurred when Obama was first put in office. Remember that? Remember the Tea Party people? And while the phrase “not my president” has continued to this day, I would hope that we could be the better people, and put that aside. There is only so much space in prisons. Do not sit down if hatred sets in, but do no be the person to insight violence. Protect each other. Do not let this so-called “white lash” become the split in our country that causes us to sink under.


Shut up! Just shut the fuck up! Please!

Me? How about you quiet down?

You think I can drop all your sleaze?

I just don’t want to wake the town.


Oooo look at you, Mr. Saint man.

Oh, I’m Mr. Saint, Mrs. Devil?

Devil? Have a taste of this pan!

Ow! Fuck, take it down a level.


After I saw you with some whore?

I don’t know what you think you seen.

I think I seen her screaming more.

Juno, don’t give me that routine.


Routine? You think I’m bluffing shit?

That ‘cause I’m your girl I’ll submit?

Get your ass outta here right quick,

Or who knows what sins I’ll commit!



Hello everyone,


Trying to get back in the habit of these poems while making them different is tough. I hope this poem isn’t too corny, but I was trying to imagine someone reacting to them catching their spouse cheating, but rather than react with sadness, react with anger. Something I myself have trouble doing. I also attempted to add a dialogue between the characters. Let me know what you think! Or if you have any ideas on how it could be done better!


Hello everyone,


I just scrolled through Facebook to find something silly to inspire me, and I found a friend’s post about hating women who steal men. So it must be a sign that I need to talk about relationships more. Or, it’s all a coincidence and any connections between the two are fabrications of my mind in order to justify something my subconscious needs to discuss more. Either way, here we are. So lets do it. Let’s talk about stealing partners, and more importantly, lets talk about how this is a falsified rhetoric to defend a person we care about.

When someone steals another person’s partner, they aren’t really stealing. I mean, certainly, it may be the best descriptive word to express the feelings that it inflicts on a person when their partner decides to leave them for someone else, but it isn’t stealing. Simply put, this is because stealing implies that whomever was “stolen” was an object of that person’s possession. That person is not an object, and, barring rape, it takes the decision of two people to have sex.

That being said, I don’t want to say I am advocating for men and women to cheat on each other. We’ve hashed and rehashed that conversation a few times, and it hurts quite a bit to be cheated on. Cheaters often feel guilty for cheating because they know how much it will hurt the other person. That being said, we can’t control the actions of people outside ourselves, so the reality is that we can’t really stop our partners from cheating. I mean, certainly, we can show them attention, and be available for them so that they don’t end up cheating on us for reasons related to feeling neglected, but even doing that doesn’t necessarily prevent them feeling inadequate.

Even less likely is our ability to control those we are not in a relationship with. The common person. They are the real wild card. I mean, let’s be honest, it’s quite possible for a random person to walk up to our partner—or ourselves, and kiss us out of the blue in front of our significant other. Completely out of our control. Should we be punished for that? I guess that depends on our reaction, but assuming we respond in a normal way—you know, freaking out because why is some random person coming up and kissing us—it seems unfair to react this way.

But lets assume someone succeeds in “stealing” our partner. Why do we blame the person who “stole” them, and not our partner? I mean, it was our partner’s decision. Personally, I think we blame them because we care about our partner. Most people who have cheated are not bad people. We like to paint them that way in order to cope with our own internal desperation and pains, but they aren’t. They just made a different choice, which was unfavorable to us. Which, for many people, is hard to accept, because they (typically) have a lot of good memories with that person, in which that person probably showed them a lot of love. So the idea that they would do a complete 180 and do something so hurtful seems impossible. In which case, we project these negative thoughts on the person who they went with. Which to me seems stupid. They were just acting in their own interests. I think you should hold whoever was your partner accountable.

Then again, maybe you should hold yourself accountable. Who knows? Relationships are complicated and often there is more going on than meets the eye. What do you think? Are there situations where you should blame the other person? Let me know!


Hello everyone,


Hey look, the weeks almost over! Today I was so tired my eyes burn. Not exactly the most enjoyable experience, but here we are. Today, I wanted to talk about lying a bit more. Specifically lying about someone who you are in a relationship with. Now, of course, this has probably happened to most of us. And it really sucks when it happens to us. It’s probably not as bad when we do it, but that’s also probably not something most of us would admit to freely.

Anyways, last time I talked about lying was a while ago, and I talked about the positive aspects of it, as well as the reasons people do it. Today I wanted to go over more why people lie, as well as what the ramifications for doing so are. Personally, I’m not sold on the whole “people who lie and are never caught, are still leading themselves on” thing. Sure, because they lie its arguable that everything they do is insincere to some extent, and I don’t disagree with that. But at the same time, to their partner, if they never know someone is lying, it’s like they never were. Once they find out, that changes entirely, but speaking from experience, until you find out (or suspect something, which is a stage of finding out in my opinion), you won’t feel any different. Seriously. Think about it. If you observe no change, there’s no catalyst for change in yourself.

The ramifications of someone lying are real though. Typically, people lie about cheating on someone, which is what I am going to contextualize this with, though I know people lie over hobbies, money, and other aspects of life that can feel just as bad. On a base level, the ramifications are purely emotional distress, which sounds pretty easy to deal with. But of course, it’s more than that, which is why these kinds of lies can destroy us so much. Especially the longer you have been with someone. I get the sense that if someone cheats on you after a month, it’s not that bad. I mean, certainly, it might hurt, especially if you were really into them, but come on. It was just a month, you’re still learning about who they are. A couple years though? Maybe someone you were living with? That hurts a lot more. Why? Well, mostly because they were an aspect of certainty to your life. They were a constant, right? Something you interacted with every day. Something you thought you knew really well. And then suddenly they did something completely out of your expectations, and it completely shattered the image you had of them.

Betrayal sucks because it makes us feel played. It makes us feel foolish. And it makes us feel like we wasted our time. And it’s probably true that we wasted some time, but life isn’t a one-and-done thing for most people. Most people have to go through dozens of relationships before they find “the one.” Which means they will have to deal with some rotten eggs to find the good ingredients for their life. But without going through the rotten eggs, it might be hard to differentiate the good ingredients from the ones that are just ok. So embrace the pain, live with it, remember it, and then move through it until you find something better.